Uncle Don

Today I am thinking about Emily's family. In the last two months one daughter (Emily) has had a baby and the second just graduated from college. Lots of change.

And then yesterday we found out that her Uncle Don had died. We're not entirely sure how, although we don't think it was intentional. Don was the youngest child, the boy, and the comedian and the artist of the family. I told Emily that I feel a little bit about Don as I felt about her grandfather. I had only met a small piece of what remained of her grandfather, since he suffered from severe dementia. With Don, he has been an alcoholic for a long time, and while I knew his sense of humor I never felt like I met him as he was. I think that for us, a generation removed, it is hard to get the measure of his life and even who he was.

This will be hard for the whole family. It's so hard to make sense of his life. How much of the alcoholism came from self-medication for earlier injuries and ailments? Why didn't he ever find some enduring vocation? How long as the alcoholism that marked him in recent years been part of his life?

The family has been trying to help him for a long time, which hasn't been easy. He did a stint of rehab. Before that, he had left once waiting for a room to open. He showed up several times at family occasions drunk. He needed help, but I think he was also ashamed to do the things to needed to to get it. He made efforts at change (a new location). The family did what they could, but I know they'll grieve for him. This was both expected and unexpected, preventable, but probably only by Don himself.

Depending on the schedule I'll probably either drive Emily and Sam to Ohio in the next few days or we'll go together in about a week.