Through Week #2

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Stitches the day before Emily left, Eva and Eli out of school for five days because classmates had the flu, and several stretches of solo-care (~6/16 days). This falls during what should be grading and prepping for the next semester. I know this time doesn't last forever, but it can sure feel endless.

The kids are making real strides. They're all very verbal, Sam seems to have his alphabets and basically can count up to 50. They all love to read and enjoy playing with Legos and superheroes and probably watch a little too much tv. They've got about six months here where they'll continue to do school and gymnastics and so on. 

For the lunar new year (it always feel funny to write that) we're visiting another person we work with and doing a kind of traditional lunch. I hope they're ready for us! Weather is holding up so far, which makes a big difference in mood. 

We saw our neighbors yesterday, which was fun. She said when her kids were little she started giving them a set period of quiet every day. I'm thinking it might be a good idea. Perhaps a cooking timer and ten minutes. It would be nice if everybody could have some time looking at a book or playing quietly. Part of what is challenging is that we just have three very energetic, vocal, enthusiastic children. Time will tell.

January

The weather has been back and forth here—cold and damp for several weeks, then beautiful for days, and now cold and raining. At first we thought Sam would be rained out of a fieldtrip, but then he was able to go after all. The trip is to a local nature park. He’s been there before, but I hope it’s a good time for him even with the rain.

Everyone is speaking a little more. Linda reads to the kids some in the mornings which is nice, mostly just working on things like animal names.

Emily flies to the US next Wednesday. Her initial plan is to visit Paul and Joan and Reina for a few days, then go to the conference, and then she’ll have six or seven days at the end. It doesn’t look like she’ll go to her school. Logistics always take a while to figure out.

Sam was tired this morning (we thought he’d gone to sleep last night, but he was till up pretty late—sometimes he waits for one of us to go to bed). This morning he was super grumpy. We’re still working on discipline. We do a mix of time-outs, “talking-to’s” (usually very calm), giving toys time outs, and a counting thing I do. Most of the time, even if two are flipping out, one will quickly calm down to be the good one. They’re pretty good but the three of them really can compete. It’s common for Sam to discover that Eli is playing with a toy that was Samuel’s, but which Samuel hasn’t looked at in forever, and to demand it back. Not sure what to do here? Maybe we should create a sequestered drawer where any off-limits toys for Sam have to go. Still thinking about this.

I don’t have any great plans for this month’s daddy fun weeks. I’ll have two weekends and two holiday days plus assorted evenings. I think it could be fun. I’m going to do local museums as possible, which they enjoy, and am also thinking of doing something like inviting people for the Thursday holiday for a potluck. This is, however, probably overly ambitious. 

Quiet Sunday Afternoon

Today was the quietest Sunday I've had in a while. I went with Sam to the big class at church (basically 4-6 year olds). He had a good time. His teachers praised him for his coloring, which pleased him. He's been a little shying going back, but I think it's good for him. I talked to his teachers the day he restarted and they seem to be giving him extra TLC. It helps that several of the kids in his class go back and forth between the English group and the local language group. I get to just sit outside and chit-chat with parents, which is really wonderful. Today Emily went to the ministry leaders' group (since she does Sunday School for the baby group) and I took our kids home and just hung out. Really, really, really nice Sunday afternoon.

Life has also improved remarkably with the return of Linda and with a visit from YH, a dear friend who has been back for around ten days. Linda's helping us in the mornings and will help take the kids to school when Emily goes back to the States for a conference. She also helps the kids with breakfast and getting clothes on, can read to them time permitting, and has reduced our house work by about 90%. It's a small miracle--actually maybe even a large miracle.

My spring is looking better too. My school still is driving me a bit nuts but I have a reduced course load for the spring and since I don't have church leadership it will be much more balanced. Some other institutions are causing me grief--the coeditors of a journal I work on just resigned--but even here the interim editors will be a lot easier to work with. It's as if someone has lifted a weight off my shoulders. I also feel like I have more time for the kids now. I've been doing Legos with everyone and get to read to them every night. In the mornings I can focus on getting ready for the day but jump in as needed. Big improvements!

We just got the Christmas package from Em's parents in the mail. The kids loved their PJs and we're listening to the cassettes they sent. The peppermint bark is almost gone (delicious!). I've been reading through the book they sent, How Children Succeed, which is pretty interesting. It uses a lot of recent educational research on things like education and economic mobility, the relationship between grades and college completion, the traumas that disadvantaged kids face which usually stay with them throughout their life, the impact of stress on achievement, and on and on. The key theme of the book is character. Recent research has shown that things like "grit" make a big difference for kids in overcoming challenges and sticking with boring or challenging work. One of the mysteries is why specific kids are able to navigate challenges and how we can help them. In general, I think both Emily and I come from families with a lot of strengths and some excellent models for handling difficult situations. It really is difficult to know how to give children the mix of values we want for them: kindness and independence, resiliency and sticktuitiveness, a love of learning and an openness to self-criticism, etc. For us, at least for now, there's also a cultural overlay. What are our kids being encouraged in now? What specific challenges do they have? What type of help or time will be most helpful to them? Anyway, these are definitely things I think about as a parent. One of the things that's been a source of encouragement for us here is that the kids seem to be doing really well and are loved in several different communities. We also enjoy keeping up with family and that helps prevent us from feeling too isolated.

More in a while. I could really get used to relaxed Sunday afternoons!