Father's Day and a Haircut

Sam scales the new changing table
The haircut "after" picture
Peachy
The before picture, looking very Garfunkel-y.

Today is Father’s Day, at least Stateside. (On Island, it falls on 8/8 which is pronounced Ba-ba or “dad.”) Em let us celebrate it today. We’re all getting over colds, so it was a fairly quiet day, but very relaxing. Emily let me sleep in which was wonderful. The last week my sleep was off, so I feel a little recovered now. I’m working on some academic projects and spent a little time on that. We went out to dinner in the local ‘burb.

I’m thinking of my own father and brother and grandfathers. I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time with my own dad. When I was younger, my mom went back to school and my dad was more responsible for us. (He struggled unsuccessfully to implement the “one plate, one cup” rule, but it never took.) I also spent a lot of time with my dad during high school when he shuttled me to all manner of activities, and I lived at home during a year of grad school. We used to take walks together and had a lot of family time. A benefit of academic life is that I’ve also gotten a lot of summers close to home, and I still skype my parents often. My dad works hard, but he always had flexibility in his schedule, which was nice.

The other big excitement of today is that I gave Sam his first haircut—pictures another day—which was quite a lot of fun. His hair is basically like my hair, so as long as you don’t cut too close it’s fine. It’s hard to totally mess up, and it’s to be very creative. There’s not much styling our hair—no parts, no bangs, not much particular that you can do. Emily kept a couple of curls, something her mom had done for her. Sam’s very cute now and will be a bit cooler for the summer. This was his first haircut ever, so a bit of a milestone. Between this, weaning, and the expanding vocabulary, he is starting to seem like a little boy, although a very small, cute one. He’s a real charmer and we’re lucky to have him. No doubt, he is part of the reason we have the others on the way.

I also started reading Sh*t My Dad Says, which is a pop best seller based on one of the break-out twitter posters from a couple of years back. It’s a son’s recollections of a cursing, no nonsense dad. This is basically the polar opposite of my dad. It’s even a lot more wild than my grandfather, who is the loud, wild one in our family. But it’s also an endearing, sympathetic narrative, and a good one for father’s day. I read the first hundred pages in a couple of hours, so I’ll probably finish it tomorrow.

I’ve been reading more fiction the last few weeks, which is one of my key methods for getting rest and distance. So far nothing especially profound: the Stieg Larsson books, The Memory of Running, and several more serious books I started but haven’t kept working on. I’ve also read a little bit of history in my field and have been working on some language resources. I like reading, and I think it’s helping to satisfy my desire to hole up some. We’ve been here ten months now (I think today), and while things are going fairly well I was also ready for this semester to end. I love this school and I genuinely like all of my colleagues, but they’re also starting to drive me a bit nuts. This is a pretty hierarchical, patriarchal society and I come from a society that at least has egalitarian leanings. And probably, it’s more galling as the young person to live in a society where age is especially valued. I’m used to everyone having a say, and here a lot of decisions are made from above and at a distance. I’m not making a lot of sense here. Mostly, I just want to take a few steps back and regroup. I want to write and study language and prepare for the fall. I think some sort of rest is in order, and hopefully it is on the way.

I’ll try to post some more pictures soon. I’m sorry my posts are always so broken. I think I’m feeling especially scattered lately, so hopefully the summer will give me some time to pick the pieces back up and puzzle with them for a while. Blessings to the rest of you on this Father’s Day.

Rainy Weekend

This was a pretty typical weekend for us, perhaps even more quiet than most. On Friday I went to class, then caught bus/MRT downtown to go to the main presby office, and then I met someone at another school. We're working together on a project, so it was a source of encouragement. Also, I'm hoping he'll publish a friend's dissertation. Then I came back home, saw Sam, who was slightly mosquito-bitten from being out with Emily, and called it a day.

Saturday was quiet. Sam woke ridiculously early, 5am, I think, and we went out to the main room around 5:30. Because of rain and erratic sleeping, we stayed home all day (the first in quite a while.) We skyped both sets of parents and watched a little too much of the movie Up. I can never tell how much tv is too much. Sam doesn't get a lot, but it always brings out the "bad parent" fears. We've limited him just to DVD's at this point, so no commercials and less violence, and we often watch in Chinese, for him and for us, but it's still probably more than is good for us. Any other parents working on this? In some ways I'm glad we have the balance in our life of family time, school time, church time, and campus time. It means he gets different interaction.

Today he woke earliesh again, but my saintly wife woke with him. We went to church, which is still a struggle for us. The language issues are always a challenge. I think most long-term expats seem to go to English services. We may head in this direction occasionally. I really like the little church we attend now, but I never know exactly what I'm supposed to do there, and it's not really amenable to family worship. Probably twins will destroy the possibility of Emily and I sitting next to each other in church for the next four or five years anyway. As a kid, I usually went to church with my brother, and my parents were up front, so I recognize that kids eventually learn to participate on their own terms, and without parental assistance. But in the mean time, we don't want the screaming kids, we like the idea of worship, oh, I don't know...

So after church Sam and then Emily fell into a deep sleep. I stayed up for a while and then fell asleep myself. We all took long naps, something we haven't done really since I had regular Sunday work.

Other news? Sam can say "rice" now. He REALLY loves fish. It is probably his favorite thing ever. You can him near a big baked fish and he starts gesticulating and saying "fissh, fissh" to anyone he sees. It's a little embarrassing, but it's a sign he's fitting in well. Tonight we were counting to three and then he'd race off. He's a fine little dancing boy, twirling in circles, throwing his arms out, and occasionally falling dramatically to the ground. We're lucky that he's reasonably easy.

Oh, some other things... Emily's milk seems to be drying up. Sam still says "other side" when he wants milk. (He used to say "again," for a while "I," and then recently he says "other side" because Emily asks if he wants "the other side.") Weekdays were no problem but on weekends he often wanted to nurse all day. He's started drinking a lot more liquids lately, water, milk, and juice, and only nurses a little at night, mostly for comfort. It's still a transition. It's not easy growing up, but on the other hand he's had a pretty long run.

We're still not entirely settled on a hospital. It's hard, because everyone here goes to the Presby hospital. It is one of the core institutions of the church, but it's also a place that is not really geared towards foreigners. Emily's going to check out one more place this week, and then we might try visiting a few different doctors at the same hospital. I've worked up a nifty pregnancy vocab sheet, which has already come in handy.

This week I'm moving towards more administrative type things. This includes a trip downtown to headquarters, visiting the tax office, and some other responsibilities. I'm going to take probably two weeks to work on finishing out my class I'm co-teaching and a student I'm advising. We plan a week or two of vacation at the end of June and Emily wants to work some on her big project.

So, as you can see, our life is pretty mundane right now. After adaptation and daily drama and the awe/terror of early pregnancy, we will gladly take it. More news to follow...

Mother's Day

It was a quiet Mother's Day weekend for us. Because it was rainy, we think, Sam slept until 7. My sleep has been really off, so a lot of yesterday and today was just getting rested up.

Yesterday we went for a walk into the local burb again. It was a nice afternoon. We had pizza at a place Emily likes. The place has a bar feel to it, with dimmer lights, neon signs, music, and so on. Sam loves this and danced to the music and charmed the staff. It was a nice break. Today we had dinner out, also at a local mall. It was a lot of fun. Sam loved looking at a fountain, playing with a balloon, climbing stairs, "talking" to the girl at the next table, and watching buses and trains.

Today we went to Old Church for worship. Actually, New Church appeared to have another activity somewhere else, about which we had not heard. So we decided to try an 11 service at old church. This was our first time driving there. The truth is that driving here is really not so bad, but I've always been a nervous driver and big cities still throw me.

We made it downtown, parked, and went to worship. Sam lasted for about half of worship, and then he and I went and checked out the nursery. I still don't know entirely what to do with kids in church here. There's no infant nursery and toddler care really only exists at bigger churches. I still haven't entirely figured out how welcome kids are in regular worship, and whether parents just skip church or do something else. It's an issue in suburban America, and an issue here. If we move to this bigger church, it may be I could go to worship in local language for an hour and then swap with Emily while she goes to the English worship. But still not exactly a family time.

I think we need a break here sometime soon. New Year's, which is normally the major holiday here, was not restful for us since it poured the whole week and we mostly looked after Sam and cleaned. I'm thinking of trying to take most of June off of language. Maybe we could get a beach week, do some staycation time, and get reset for the summer.

Second Hospital

We tried out a second hospital on Wednesday, and we really liked it a lot. It’s the closest hospital (convenient for getting Sam to bed, getting him to school, asking coworkers for help, etc.). We know one of the administrators. I think the one of the things that’s so frustrating about a lot of medical care is the unfamiliarity of the process and the distance from the people involved. I know doctors and nurses aren’t supposed to our friends, but I find that I’m a lot more relaxed if I know someone who’s part of the process. I’m hoping that if we have the chance to get to know the hospital and have a better sense of what’s involved, it will feel a little more familiar.

On the visit Wednesday we went in the evening. This made Sam grumpier, but it was a more relaxing environment. The doctor’s English was pretty good, which was reassuring. People were helpful in showing us around, and we were able to see delivery and recovery rooms. The doctor we know there stepped out with Sam and me when Emily received the ultrasound and bought him a snack at the 7-11 in the hospital. It felt more comfortable and it was nice to have some people who knew us. We may still end up moving back to the bigger hospital in the third trimester. At that point, we'd probably have the current doctor make introductions for us, and it would be close enough to Old Church that we'd get some of the support and care we're worried about. A lot of it will depend on what the little ones do and if they turn their heads in the right direction and look amenable to natural birth. It's still a bit scary at this point, so we're trying to relax and keep things in perspective.

I don’t want to forget the original subject of this blog. Sam’s doing well lately. He’s gotten better on his colors. He continues to work on animals. Some Chinese is coming along (he now regularly says “bu yao” “don’t want”). He’s been getting up around 5 for the last week or ten days, which is getting old. I’ve blacked out our bedroom windows with a translucent film. It’s a lot darker in the morning, but Sam still can’t tell the difference. Yesterday he woke up, walked over to the blacked out window, and said “birds.” Maybe he hears the birds? So frustrating…

Adjusting

We three are still adjusting to these two invaders in our life, who are plotting to steal our sleep, space, and sanity. However, we are slowly coming along.

Some recent updates. (1) Emily has worse nausea than last time. She's sick pretty much every morning and sometimes in the afternoon or evening. I can tell it is wearing on her. (2) Sleep is just as important. Last time she slept a lot, and this time she's logged in more nights of 10, 12, or more hours of sleep. We think it may be her system's way of dealing with the nausea. (3) She's had some pretty interesting cravings. On Saturday she really wanted Middle Eastern food. The Saturday before that she wanted Mexican. Luckily, Northern Island is cosmopolitan enough that the only un-met cravings have been US chains or local places (Wendy's, Skyline). (4) We're going to check out a hospital tomorrow and depending on how that goes another on Friday.

Our day-to-day life is pretty good. We're both working hard on language, which is a sisyphean struggle. Still, there's some familiarity in the continuity of it and it sometimes reminds me of counseling. Basically, I spend 10 hours a week discussing language, culture, family, personal life, work expectations, etc. I can't knock it. We will continue as long as we are allowed to, since I know it will hard to get time later on.

I'm preaching in a few weeks, and am working with two classes that both take some time. School life is always a little hazy for me. I can tell there's turmoil among the foreign language teachers here. I think the school is a very kind place, but it's often a challenge to bridge the cultural gaps. I still don't really know how to plan here, or to tell when we are contracting and when we are brainstorming. I would say the school is as healthy as any of the American schools where I've worked, and I really admire some of the leaders.

That is the news for now. We will update as we know more. I'm guessing we'll have another ultrasound tomorrow, and should be able to report back on that.

Not much new

We're chugging along here. We bought a double stroller yesterday from someone in our language school. It is a monster truck of a stroller, red, wide, with huge wheels. It fits in the trunk of our smallish car only barely, by taking the wheels off (luckily they come off easily). Sam spent about an hour practicing getting in and out last night. He woke at 5:15 this morning, saying "car" to Emily, so I think his plan was more play in the new stroller.

Sam is still pretty much a delight. He's coloring now, and has most of his colors down. He can say "elephant," or a close approximation, and is (to my eyes) a fairly graceful toddler. I enjoy the extra time I'm getting with him. I think we both feel some guilt that we will ruin his fun. He's such a fine kid, and we enjoy being a trio. I know it will be a shock for his little system.

Emily's pretty much knocked out by pregnancy last night. She went to bed at 5 (!) last night basically, and except for brushing her teeth and helping to put Sam down, she pretty much has slept through. This is her pattern in the first trimester--morning sickness, some general nausea, and lots of sleep. What's hard for us to tell with the pregnancy is how different it will be from the first one. Will the symptoms be worse? A lot worse? What can we expect? Still hard to know at this point...

Twins—shhhhh!

It’s been an exciting time here in Northern Island. Emily is pregnant, and as of last Friday we know that it’s twins. It’s still very early, only around 8 weeks, but is already reshaping our lives. I think my reading audience here is small, so it seems safe, but we probably won’t tell people on facebook, etc. for a while.

About a month ago Emily found out she was pregnant. It was a bit earlier than we had planned, but not terrible timing. Emily’s breastfeeding-friendly birthcontrol wasn’t available in Taiwan, and we misread the iphone app that charts fertility. Another baby at this point was not necessarily dissertation friendly, but there were several pros: birth in November or December when it’s not roasting hot, the flexibility of language school for the first nine months, time to settle into life here before we return to the states in a couple of years, Sam would be able to go to nursery school with them, etc. So, all in all, not terrible timing.

We scheduled a hospital visit last week. We’d all been encouraged to go to the big Presby hospital downtime. It’s a good hospital and not very far, which is nice. However, when we went there most of our conversations were in Chinese and it is hard to get a personal sense of the people we’d be working with. We probably need one or two people with excellent English, either a nurse or doctor or a midwife or someone from school here who goes with us. The funniest moment was when the doctor told us they were going to “listen for the heart through the vagina.” Thankfully, this turned out to be an ultrasound. When the radiologist told us that it was twins I honestly thought at first that she was joking. She said something about “two eyes,” and I thought she was kidding us. “Haha, yes, we all have two eyes.” But no, it really is twins, at least for now. The doctor said identical are possible based on the shape of the sacs. On the other hand, the odds are in favor of fraternals.

We’re still figuring out where we want to stay for the birth. There are plusses to being at a big hospital, especially with the complications that can with twins. The very close nearby hospital is also appealing and we may be able to go to a clinic. The challenge we’re finding is that we need help, but people can be offended if you reject their recommendation.

That’s the big news here. We’re excited about it, scared, hopeful, worried, distracted, curious… Pray for us.