TMI

Every so often, someone posts something wildly inappropriate on facebook, like a picture of an open wound they have or something their pet regurgitated. This is kind of in that genre.

So, on Tuesday I had a vasectomy. It wraps up the pregnancy experience in some ways, since it cements us at three kids (give or take 00.5 failure factor%). I now round out the three of us who have had our bits and pieces messed with (Emily: pregnancy; Eli: circumcision; me: vasectomy). So far only Eva has survived intact.

I think it’s a good thing this is a once in a lifetime experience. It was more painful than I thought it would be and took longer, and may look worse after the local wears off. I definitely don’t recommend doing it in a foreign language, which makes the whole process a bit confusing (now what are they going to do to me?).

We decided on this for a variety of reasons. We have help now. Emily’s done the pill for longer than most. We’re youngish, and don’t want to have deal with fighting fertility for another decade. The ship sort of sailed on a tubal, a casualty of not great doctor communication and spousal delay. Vasectomy has several benefits: low failure rate, no chemicals, one-time deal, cheap, etc. We have reinforcements now, so it gives us support with recovery and transition. And it’s not something I wanted to think about a lot or read up on much, since pretty much every informational site is more graphic than this post.

To prep me, I was given two gowns, designed for much smaller people, which appropriately covered me front and back, although only to about mid-thigh (I felt like I was wearing a mini-skirt). I also was given a pink hat and blue socks and then wheeled into the room (I’ve immortalized the outfit with my iphone, but never plan to post the picture). The procedure itself, while described as “minor” and “simple,” was still pretty horrible. It began with shaving. Next up was local anaesthesia, which initially was not up to the job. After more poking and jabbing, there was cutting, pulling, twisting, clamping, and, apparently, burning. It took about forty or fifty minutes. It would have been nice if there was something (TV, radio, anything) to distract me from what was going on. Instead, I was fully involved in the whole experience. A positive is that I think I had a good doctor, a urologist at a hospital who has done a lot of these, so hopefully that is helping with recovery.

Eventually I believe I’ll be glad I had it done, but, wow, not a fun experience by any stretch of the imagination. Two days later, I’m doing fine and taught class this morning. I hope there are no follow-ups or after effects. Everything legit I read says it’s a reliable procedure with very low rates of complications, but every time I do a google search I end up with page after page of horror studies about lifelong testicle pain, gangrene, impotence, etc.

So, I hope this was helpful to someone! Be glad I had no pictures to post. If you get a chance to toss a tubal in during a c-section, I highly recommend it. If you go with the V, ask for as much pain relief as they’ll give you.