Good day with somewhat fussy kid

This week has been a bit of a wash. Fast retreat, some drama over assorted projects, need to get visa moving, etc, etc, etc. So Saturday rolls around and it struck that perfect toddler balance of (1) a fair amount of joy, bliss, kid happiness, and (2) some tantrums, whining, and frustration. Sam is just a really fine kid, and yet today was a little hard on us. He woke up early. We let him watch some DVDs. We set up our little toddler pool nearby, and he did fine in the morning, playing happily for about an hour. The sun shifted and we came in (he was okay about it). He took a huge nap (me too since I have been sleeping weird). Then he was just kind of fussy when he woke up. He really wanted to go back to the pool. I took him but it wasn't a great time (buggy). I brought him in to switch with Em and he did the full crocodile tears-fussing-whining deal. Emily took him back out which went better. We went to dinner at a little pizza place down the mountain. As soon as we went in he started complaining: "outside, outside, outside." Emily eventually let him walk outside for a while as we waited for dinner to come. Then everything else was smooth: dinner, a very nice walk, a ride home, toothbrushing and book, bedtime. This was a pretty normal Saturday for us. Good kid. A bit exhausting. Hope he stays mostly adorable. Still not sure we can handle two more.

Excitement and fear

Boating

At Nine Ethnicities Park

Sam in cable car

He would have happily sat here all day if we'd let him

Last night I hung out with the Baptists across the street (they're the local English church, and they are always hospitable). There I met another American with an older kid and then two younger ones, almost the same age (one was adopted). He offered this folk advice: the transition to marriage was not hard for him, but adding a kid was a huge adjustment, adding the second was not bad, but going to three was the biggest change he's had. He suggested the type of bargain I've seen others make, where one parent is "on" for a night or two and then the other is on. He said you can only see hope if you know you'll get a good night's sleep eventually. He also said that initially they would sometimes each take a kid, but in the long run it was better to just have one parent take both children. This is sounding about right to me, even if it's a little depressing.

I know we shouldn't be this scared, but it's still a bit scary to think of the adjustment it will be. (I will also say that most parents of twins have said basically, "it will be as bad as you can imagine it will be.") I think I will have to rotate the following mantras: this isn't forever, we can ask for help, it's suffering now but then a lifetime of knowing each other... Any I missed? Our situation actually isn't bad. We're probably going to need to consolidate language study into blocks (5 hours 2x/week) and I'll have to figure out some ways to make the limited teaching better. Ok, enough of the frightened rant.

We just came back from two days of retreat, and it was a great experience. We went to a touristy destination, but were surprised that there seemed to be no foreigners. I'm not totally loving it when people take lots of pictures of Sam, but I guess if he doesn't mind it's not a big deal. He's gotten to the stage where if people are too touchy he let's them know. He learned to say "rain" and "boat" in Chinese on this trip, which were both good things. I got in some bonding with some pastors and their families. All in all, a good trip.

Parenting Classes

These are three pictures from our trip to a riverfront town to our north, about a month ago.

Yesterday we did our first parenting class in Northern Island. It was pretty interesting. Whereas in the States our parenting classes were a fee-based series that treated infant care and childbirth, here the hospital provides basically a series of large free lectures on major topics (birth process, nursing, breathing, after birth). The one yesterday was on breastfeeding and the birth process. The section on the birth process treated c-sections and natural birth, pain control and anesthesia, things that can go wrong, etc. It was fairly clinical and straight-forward, which I appreciated. I was surprised by a few things. The hospital was very pro-breastfeeding and taught things like avoiding pacifiers and bottles in the beginning. They showed us how small the babies’ tummies are to begin with and how they expand during the first ten days. They offered feeding advice. I would say in our birthing class in the States they pretty much avoided this and the nurses in the US were anti-nursing (gave Sam a pacifier when we said not to, high anxiety over how much he milk he was getting in the first day, etc.). Anyway, I think this is a very good hospital and we will be happy there. I think I could come around to having hospitals be the center for medical care, where you get scales of efficiency, instead of everything run out of little offices open 9-5 that refer you to specialists. I know every system has problems, and I may well eat my words later.

We’re back into language again. Emily hit a wall on Monday and I hit mine on Friday. I think we’re both basically doing well, but weren’t quite ready to head back into school. I only really had two weeks after the end of the semester and our cold/Sam’s class being closed killed one of those weeks. My brother once laid out the stages of parenting as: (1) complaining about how tired you are, (2) complaining about how sick you are, (3) complaining about all the activities you have to take your kids to. Right now we’re in #2, but we’re about to regress to #1. The flip side of all of this is that it’s a sunny July, we have some kid care that will let us eventually finish our work, and we could probably take a week or two at the beginning of September to get caught back up. Emily seems physically quite well, for which we are very thankful. The daily sickness has dissipated and the hugeness has not yet arrived.

That’s the news here. Oh, and it’s a boy and a girl we learned a week ago Friday. We saw the boy on the ultrasound first, so I think Emily was worried. (Although three boys could have been fun also.) It will be interesting to see the dynamics of the three. I hope big brother is up to the task.

Declining Cold, Cute Kid

We've all had a cold for the last two weeks. It's lingered, thwarting our plans to get away during this transitional month when we aren't in language. Two weeks ago I pretty much wrapped up school stuff. Around the same time Emily finished taxes and we did our taxes here. I'm working on copy-editing different projects, which has taken some time, and I've done some language work and spent some time on campus figuring out next semester.

We kept Sam home a few days last week with the cold, and then when we went to his school on Friday we heard that several classmates have "foot and mouth disease." It's basically just a virus that spreads quickly with kids. But the policy here is if two students have it they close the class for a week. So we've had him home this last week. It's been fun, although our productivity has dipped. Sam is saying a raft of new words: all of his colors, parts of the face (even "eyebrows." thanks to a faces sticker book from Em's parents), foods ("yogurt," which he pronounces like "Rutgers"), machinery ("tractor" and "helicopter" are new favorites, both pronounced something like "gokter"), athletics (b-ball, ball, big ball), and some new spatial terms (fast, high, go, drive). Sadly, he can say "bite," because he gets mosquito bites. He can say the neighbors names and is still pretty friendly to strangers.

We did several park trips this week. Sam can stay at a park for hours and getting out of the house and spending time together was good for all of us. I got a full sized basketball at the store, and we spent a good morning playing around campus with that. Those of you who know me know that I am pretty much a loss at any team sports (I can't do a lay-up, kick a goal, or ground a ball). Nonetheless, it's fun to have a kid who's enthusiastic about all of this and shows a high level of patience and concentration (something I never had, as the kid who was picking grass in the outfield) and some coordination.

A classmate of Emily's left Taiwan this week and one of the things she passed down was two doll babies. Sam doesn't play with them a lot, but they're helping us to communicate what is coming for Sam. Tonight he had the babies "sleeping" on Emily (this is one of his new words also), which is a good sign. Emily thinks he may be realizing that her tummy is growing, and hopefully his own development will proceed such that he's not entirely horrified when they arrive in another five months or so.

Tomorrow's (hopefully) the rescheduled doctor visit. It's possible we'll find out gender then. Sam goes back to the nursery tomorrow, which should be good for all of us. He's coming along fine on Chinese, but we're hoping to find a couple of people on campus who could play with him in Chinese a couple of hours a week. He really gets a lot of attention at school, but we want him to get a bit of reinforcement now.

Otherwise, all is well. I think Emily's excited to be back full time into language. I am feeling a little over-committed, but am doing my best to flex. The weather's been reasonable, although it will soon inch into the boiling range. It's hard to believe we have just a couple of months of summer, and then a few months beyond that before the new arrivals.

Father's Day and a Haircut

Sam scales the new changing table
The haircut "after" picture
Peachy
The before picture, looking very Garfunkel-y.

Today is Father’s Day, at least Stateside. (On Island, it falls on 8/8 which is pronounced Ba-ba or “dad.”) Em let us celebrate it today. We’re all getting over colds, so it was a fairly quiet day, but very relaxing. Emily let me sleep in which was wonderful. The last week my sleep was off, so I feel a little recovered now. I’m working on some academic projects and spent a little time on that. We went out to dinner in the local ‘burb.

I’m thinking of my own father and brother and grandfathers. I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time with my own dad. When I was younger, my mom went back to school and my dad was more responsible for us. (He struggled unsuccessfully to implement the “one plate, one cup” rule, but it never took.) I also spent a lot of time with my dad during high school when he shuttled me to all manner of activities, and I lived at home during a year of grad school. We used to take walks together and had a lot of family time. A benefit of academic life is that I’ve also gotten a lot of summers close to home, and I still skype my parents often. My dad works hard, but he always had flexibility in his schedule, which was nice.

The other big excitement of today is that I gave Sam his first haircut—pictures another day—which was quite a lot of fun. His hair is basically like my hair, so as long as you don’t cut too close it’s fine. It’s hard to totally mess up, and it’s to be very creative. There’s not much styling our hair—no parts, no bangs, not much particular that you can do. Emily kept a couple of curls, something her mom had done for her. Sam’s very cute now and will be a bit cooler for the summer. This was his first haircut ever, so a bit of a milestone. Between this, weaning, and the expanding vocabulary, he is starting to seem like a little boy, although a very small, cute one. He’s a real charmer and we’re lucky to have him. No doubt, he is part of the reason we have the others on the way.

I also started reading Sh*t My Dad Says, which is a pop best seller based on one of the break-out twitter posters from a couple of years back. It’s a son’s recollections of a cursing, no nonsense dad. This is basically the polar opposite of my dad. It’s even a lot more wild than my grandfather, who is the loud, wild one in our family. But it’s also an endearing, sympathetic narrative, and a good one for father’s day. I read the first hundred pages in a couple of hours, so I’ll probably finish it tomorrow.

I’ve been reading more fiction the last few weeks, which is one of my key methods for getting rest and distance. So far nothing especially profound: the Stieg Larsson books, The Memory of Running, and several more serious books I started but haven’t kept working on. I’ve also read a little bit of history in my field and have been working on some language resources. I like reading, and I think it’s helping to satisfy my desire to hole up some. We’ve been here ten months now (I think today), and while things are going fairly well I was also ready for this semester to end. I love this school and I genuinely like all of my colleagues, but they’re also starting to drive me a bit nuts. This is a pretty hierarchical, patriarchal society and I come from a society that at least has egalitarian leanings. And probably, it’s more galling as the young person to live in a society where age is especially valued. I’m used to everyone having a say, and here a lot of decisions are made from above and at a distance. I’m not making a lot of sense here. Mostly, I just want to take a few steps back and regroup. I want to write and study language and prepare for the fall. I think some sort of rest is in order, and hopefully it is on the way.

I’ll try to post some more pictures soon. I’m sorry my posts are always so broken. I think I’m feeling especially scattered lately, so hopefully the summer will give me some time to pick the pieces back up and puzzle with them for a while. Blessings to the rest of you on this Father’s Day.

Rainy Weekend

This was a pretty typical weekend for us, perhaps even more quiet than most. On Friday I went to class, then caught bus/MRT downtown to go to the main presby office, and then I met someone at another school. We're working together on a project, so it was a source of encouragement. Also, I'm hoping he'll publish a friend's dissertation. Then I came back home, saw Sam, who was slightly mosquito-bitten from being out with Emily, and called it a day.

Saturday was quiet. Sam woke ridiculously early, 5am, I think, and we went out to the main room around 5:30. Because of rain and erratic sleeping, we stayed home all day (the first in quite a while.) We skyped both sets of parents and watched a little too much of the movie Up. I can never tell how much tv is too much. Sam doesn't get a lot, but it always brings out the "bad parent" fears. We've limited him just to DVD's at this point, so no commercials and less violence, and we often watch in Chinese, for him and for us, but it's still probably more than is good for us. Any other parents working on this? In some ways I'm glad we have the balance in our life of family time, school time, church time, and campus time. It means he gets different interaction.

Today he woke earliesh again, but my saintly wife woke with him. We went to church, which is still a struggle for us. The language issues are always a challenge. I think most long-term expats seem to go to English services. We may head in this direction occasionally. I really like the little church we attend now, but I never know exactly what I'm supposed to do there, and it's not really amenable to family worship. Probably twins will destroy the possibility of Emily and I sitting next to each other in church for the next four or five years anyway. As a kid, I usually went to church with my brother, and my parents were up front, so I recognize that kids eventually learn to participate on their own terms, and without parental assistance. But in the mean time, we don't want the screaming kids, we like the idea of worship, oh, I don't know...

So after church Sam and then Emily fell into a deep sleep. I stayed up for a while and then fell asleep myself. We all took long naps, something we haven't done really since I had regular Sunday work.

Other news? Sam can say "rice" now. He REALLY loves fish. It is probably his favorite thing ever. You can him near a big baked fish and he starts gesticulating and saying "fissh, fissh" to anyone he sees. It's a little embarrassing, but it's a sign he's fitting in well. Tonight we were counting to three and then he'd race off. He's a fine little dancing boy, twirling in circles, throwing his arms out, and occasionally falling dramatically to the ground. We're lucky that he's reasonably easy.

Oh, some other things... Emily's milk seems to be drying up. Sam still says "other side" when he wants milk. (He used to say "again," for a while "I," and then recently he says "other side" because Emily asks if he wants "the other side.") Weekdays were no problem but on weekends he often wanted to nurse all day. He's started drinking a lot more liquids lately, water, milk, and juice, and only nurses a little at night, mostly for comfort. It's still a transition. It's not easy growing up, but on the other hand he's had a pretty long run.

We're still not entirely settled on a hospital. It's hard, because everyone here goes to the Presby hospital. It is one of the core institutions of the church, but it's also a place that is not really geared towards foreigners. Emily's going to check out one more place this week, and then we might try visiting a few different doctors at the same hospital. I've worked up a nifty pregnancy vocab sheet, which has already come in handy.

This week I'm moving towards more administrative type things. This includes a trip downtown to headquarters, visiting the tax office, and some other responsibilities. I'm going to take probably two weeks to work on finishing out my class I'm co-teaching and a student I'm advising. We plan a week or two of vacation at the end of June and Emily wants to work some on her big project.

So, as you can see, our life is pretty mundane right now. After adaptation and daily drama and the awe/terror of early pregnancy, we will gladly take it. More news to follow...

Mother's Day

It was a quiet Mother's Day weekend for us. Because it was rainy, we think, Sam slept until 7. My sleep has been really off, so a lot of yesterday and today was just getting rested up.

Yesterday we went for a walk into the local burb again. It was a nice afternoon. We had pizza at a place Emily likes. The place has a bar feel to it, with dimmer lights, neon signs, music, and so on. Sam loves this and danced to the music and charmed the staff. It was a nice break. Today we had dinner out, also at a local mall. It was a lot of fun. Sam loved looking at a fountain, playing with a balloon, climbing stairs, "talking" to the girl at the next table, and watching buses and trains.

Today we went to Old Church for worship. Actually, New Church appeared to have another activity somewhere else, about which we had not heard. So we decided to try an 11 service at old church. This was our first time driving there. The truth is that driving here is really not so bad, but I've always been a nervous driver and big cities still throw me.

We made it downtown, parked, and went to worship. Sam lasted for about half of worship, and then he and I went and checked out the nursery. I still don't know entirely what to do with kids in church here. There's no infant nursery and toddler care really only exists at bigger churches. I still haven't entirely figured out how welcome kids are in regular worship, and whether parents just skip church or do something else. It's an issue in suburban America, and an issue here. If we move to this bigger church, it may be I could go to worship in local language for an hour and then swap with Emily while she goes to the English worship. But still not exactly a family time.

I think we need a break here sometime soon. New Year's, which is normally the major holiday here, was not restful for us since it poured the whole week and we mostly looked after Sam and cleaned. I'm thinking of trying to take most of June off of language. Maybe we could get a beach week, do some staycation time, and get reset for the summer.